


it's a shame

by SapphireSue



Category: Arctic Monkeys
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 16:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2739131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSue/pseuds/SapphireSue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex thinks it’s a shame people don’t see perfection in Jamie. But sometimes he thinks it’s a good thing, because only he gets to see what true beauty is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's a shame

**Author's Note:**

> No beta, no hate plox.

Alex thinks it’s a shame people don’t see perfection in Jamie. But sometimes he thinks it’s a good thing, because only he gets to see what true beauty is. He doesn’t need to worry about some bloke who gives Jamie a predatory look, doesn’t need to worry about anyone else staring at Jamie’s ass and anyone who would want to get a feel of it. He’s had a feel of it many times before ‘cause he’s got free access.

 

He’s the only one who gets lost in vivid, deep blue depths that speaks different emotions. He doesn’t mix those emotions up, he knows them well enough to be able to pick them out one by one. He likes Jamie’s eyes and drowning in them. Drowning doesn’t have a good side to it but Jamie’s eyes relieve the pain of it. It feels good being enveloped by Jamie’s strong, pronounced emotions, especially when he doesn’t speak. It’s like floating in mid-air and everything just feels so _Jamie_ , like the winds are carrying his name and spreading it everywhere. And it’s fine if Jamie’s everywhere—behind that blond lady with the nice legs, beside that bloke with the strong back—because no one would notice him anyway.  
He knows he’s being selfish, because he knows at times Jamie can get a bit upset that he doesn’t get as much attention as he does. So he showers him in affection as much as he can. People don’t know about them, but he can just imagine the rejected feeling they would have when they find out that the centre of attention has his focus on someone barely a lot of people like. He’s being mean to Jamie, stealing the spotlight from him so he could be the only one who would touch him.

 

He’s not the only one now, though. Katie’s a different story, a clean, brand new title on Jamie’s book. She sees who Jamie is but she doesn’t see what Alex has seen. She doesn’t know how Jamie would take Alex’s cock inch by inch into his mouth, not a single blur of a tear in his eyes, unlike when he first tried it before. That one too, Katie doesn’t know about the prequel. Whatever Jamie told her, it’s either a complete bull or probably just a half of what happened that day. She doesn’t know that Alex made out with Jamie in the cargo area of a borrowed pickup truck after prom night, how they fucked under the moonlight, how it used to sound romantic.

 

Alex finds himself thinking about the ‘prequel’ very often, as the clock ticks closer to Jamie’s wedding. It’s pointless to live in the past but these days he allows himself to laugh at their jokes and the embarrassing and awkward moments they went through together. He doesn’t know why it has always been Jamie in his mind, not Nick or Matt, or that bird who winked at him at the first week of high school, not even the boy who braved to confess to him personally on Valentine’s Day. It’s just Jamie even as the lighting blink from behind him, red fading into green, then blue. He doesn’t look at the pretty girls who dressed up for him on the front row, pressed up tightly against the metal railings that shielded him from their nail polished, hand lotion-ed grasp. He points and points at them as much as he can, makes them a part of the song even as he tries not to spin and touch Jamie as they play guitar back-to-back.

 

They don’t cheer for Jamie. He doesn’t look like he minded, but his eyes are on his guitar, waiting until he’s allowed to play again. He gets to do so a guitar solo later, sadly not by himself but by Alex.

 

Alex tries not to stare at him, how his hair fall and cling to his face, eyes focused and lips parted. He’s seen that face before, in a completely different situation. He smirks at that and sings to Jamie, facing and pointing at the crowd, at beautiful women whose faces he will never fancy.

 

Katie is nice and beautiful, so happy and full of life, her small hand joining Jamie’s larger, calloused ones. Alex gives them a glance and puts a cigarette between his lips, thinks about how their hands fit perfectly together, like a puzzle piece that Alex used to think he completed a long time ago. He might have blown smoke at Katie’s face, but he didn’t mean it. He ignores Matt’s narrowing eyes because Jamie’s back is turned to them, a smile on his face as he talks to some couple Alex isn’t familiar with.

 

He taps Jamie’s arm, says a made up excuse about a childhood friend he might have seen talking with some people outside and would like to catch up with, glancing at the wedding ring at almost every word. Jamie’s smile is genuine and it’s like he’s forgotten how to read through Alex’s bullshit and pats him on the shoulder like they have always been just platonic friends. He says something like, “Don’t be out for long, we’ll be cutting the cake in a bit!” and Alex’s heart feels heavy, almost literally.

 

He’s already brushed past a few people when he made a last second decision, turning around briefly towards Katie. “Sorry ‘bout the smoke and congrats on this thing.” He shouts, a loud voice chanting in his head: “congrats on this thing, whatever it is, ‘cause it surely ain’t as real as what Jamie had with me.” He holds his breath and doesn’t let it go until he’s outside, where he feels that the only thing right to do is to drop on his knees in despair. He doesn’t do that, though, but his knees bend just slightly as he takes a step on the grass, the temptation to do so is overwhelming.

 

There’s a garden outside, he finds, and the garden has a fountain. He sits by it, just near the water, exhaling smoke through his mouth and watching it in boredom. For a moment he let himself lie on his back, careful not to fall on the water, and closes his eyes. The sound of crickets drown out the noises from the wedding, but not the roar of laughter from the male guests.

 

He thinks about Jamie’s pat on his shoulder earlier, how it burns his skin, how his touch isn’t the same as it used to be. Jamie has never touched him like that. It has always been a lip-biting squeeze whenever Jamie pushes inside of him carefully, his own unconscious way of showing self-control and gentleness. Then there’s the hand on the hips that never got too tight, never left bruises as he guides Alex down his cock, never too rough but always so smooth and caring and _loving_.

 

He wonders who Jamie is with Katie, if he’s any different with the Jamie he’s slept with and kissed and joked around with in the past. He wonders if they laugh at the same thing they did, wonders if Jamie ever gets annoyed with Katie’s laugh because Alex is sure he does, all the time. He wonders if Jamie only likes her because she has boobs and a vagina, but shakes his head because he’s seen the way Jamie looks at her and it’s true, genuine love. He tries to remember if he’s ever seen that look directed to him, but all the memories he digs out of his mind are blurry. When did his memories with Jamie ever get so blurry? They used to be so vivid, so clear, so alive. They’re the only piece of Jamie that’s left with him, and now he’s fearing he might forget them forever.

 

And suddenly there’s a pair of hands trying to push him into the water. He jolts up, alarmed, and finds himself looking into a very familiar pair of twinkling blue eyes. He stares at them, and suddenly all their memories come rushing back in his head, all the sensations still fresh and all the feelings still making his heart beat fast. He leans up and tries to kiss Jamie, who’s in the middle of a seemingly funny apology. Jamie freezes, tensing up, palm flat on Alex’s chest to keep distance. The happy twinkle in his eyes faded, and all that’s left on him is a horrified expression.

 

Alex stares up at him, then tilts his head and looks at Katie, who has just left the building. “We’re going to cut the cake now! Can’t do it without the groom, can I?”

 

“We’ll be there.” Jamie replies, smiling and the twinkle is back in his eyes. When Katie is gone, he turns to Alex and he doesn’t look a bit happy.

 

The look on his face makes Alex want to cry, but he’s never the type of guy to cry about love, just get drunk and write love songs, get drunk some more until someone starts to notice he’s unconsciously slowly self-destructing. Jamie’s blue eyes has still waves, like the Pacific Ocean when its asleep. There’s words bleeding out of his thin line of a mouth, words like “Why the fuck did you do that?”  
It squeezes the life out of Alex’s heart, as if the few couple of days aren’t enough to torture him.

 

Jamie doesn’t say anything though, just stares at the water, and Alex watches as the light reflects the water back at him. He sees the waves on Jamie’s unhappy face, momentarily compares it to the lifelessness and stillness of the eyes he has grown so utterly obsessed with.

 

The crickets make music for them, loud and fills the air up entirely, but it doesn’t compare to the sound of Jamie’s footsteps as he walks back into the building. Alex feels like the crickets are trying to deaf him as the figure of the groom disappears into the crowd. There’s laughter and cheer, and Alex only walks inside to get some of the booze.

 

The cake’s cut, the food’s shared, the bouquet’s thrown and caught. Alex is a little bit tipsy, which kind of explains why Matt is always following closely behind, afraid to witness the wedding to blow up in a form of a broken heart. He tries to shrug him off, tries to get him off his tail, but all his words are slurred and he’s sure he’s started with his self-destruction.

 

Then they ask him to sing. He tells them he doesn’t have an instrument but they hand him a guitar. He tells them he hasn’t prepared a song but the older women roll their eyes and one shouts, “You’re a musician!” Everyone laughs and cheers. Alex doesn’t want to sing, but he’s already strumming the chords to Cornerstone. He sees Matt in the crowd, eyes telling him that the song choice is a bad idea but he’s already singing the first verse. He winks at him, then focuses on the guitar, slurring his words so the chances that he’d be asked to sing again would be lesser.

 

He doesn’t know why, but he looks up and stares at Jamie. He’s not smiling, probably thinks the song is directed to him, which Alex thinks may be a possibility why he subconsciously chose this song in the first place. Katie’s still oblivious, smiling as her arm is linked with Jamie, her husband, her groom, the man she’s going to spend eternity with.

 

Alex looks down at the guitar and strums, looks up to see Matt and Nick exchanging a look and he thinks he might have thought out loud, or perhaps sang a thought. But Katie’s still smiling and it makes Alex grit his teeth. He doesn’t finish the song, says, “Y’know what? That’s a terrible song. Let’s move on to the next one. Who wants to hear boring ol’ love songs, anyway, eh? Let’s sing something fun.”

 

He sings Do I Wanna Know? to Jamie, boldly pointing at him, and cringes as he strums the acoustic guitar, the sound not being what he wants to hear. He sings, “Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay- C’mon Jamie, sing!”

 

Jamie just shakes his head and laughs, but it’s fake as fuck and Alex wonders how the hell Katie didn’t see that. The guests don’t seem as amused as he thought they’d be. They’re mostly Katie’s friends and Jamie’s relatives, who probably dislikes him and his state of drunkenness and his ego, which is what people usually call him out on. He thanks them anyway, blows them kisses and bows before he goes back to his seat.

 

He stays longer than he planned, actually waiting for the reception to finish. He grabs four beer bottles and goes back to the fountain and sits there, drinking time away as the water slowly turn into Jamie’s eyes. He snorts at that, how he’s so obsessed with his mate’s eyes. Why can’t he just be obsessed with Jamie’s dick? He can’t do nothing with a pair of eyes. Blind them, maybe, but he wouldn’t do that. At least with a dick, he can do stuff with that. It’s better riding a dick than Arabella’s stupid Helter Skelter. It feels better, too.

 

He sees Jamie in a lonely corridor when almost everyone’s left. In his drunkenness he sneaks up to him and kisses him. Jamie’s unresponsive for a few seconds like he’s contemplating whether or not to kiss back, and it makes Alex hopeful, so he keeps it as sweet as he can, pinning Jamie’s body with his own against the wall. But Jamie’s head turns away and he gives Alex a gentle push, refusing to meet his broken gaze. Alex is more desperate this time, too broken, too possessive, and tries to reclaim the other’s lips, only to get pushed away harder.

 

“The fuck do you think you’re doin’, huh?” Jamie shouts, voice bouncing against the four corners of the hall and explodes right inside Alex’s heart. “I’m married, Al.” He says, softer this time, but his voice broke.

 

“You want this too. You-” Alex takes a step forward. “You want me too. You- I-”

 

“Just leave.”

 

“But I love you.” Alex says, voice hushed and almost a whisper, broken and rejected. Their eyes meet and it’s so unlike their gazes from before.

 

Alex lets himself sink into Jamie’s eyes. It’s not the same, though. He drowns in them as he always did, but Jamie does nothing to prevent him from feeling pain, from swallowing too much of his own tears. Alex takes a sharp intake of breath, averting his gaze, shaking his head. He licks his lips, says, “What- What happened to us? I mean, I’ve always thought we were going to...” He swallowed, “...last.”

 

“I’m sorry, Alex, but please leave.” Jamie sounds like he’s on the brink of crying now, so Alex sighs and turns to his heel. He has never felt so sober in his entire life.

 

He meets Matt outside the gates of the building. “Where you been?” Matt asks, phone lowering from his ear. He doesn’t give him an answer, just strides towards the parking lot with his usual confidence, covering his tear-blurred eyes with a pair of aviator sunglasses.

**Author's Note:**

> This is shorter than I expected it to be. ALSO I AM SO OBSESSED WITH JAMIE HELP ME PLOX I AM CRAVING FOR MOAR FICS OF HIM BUT THERES JUST MILEX MILEX MILEX MILEX MILEX IM SORRY BUT THATS MY NOTP CMON GUYS SHOW SOME MOAR LOVE FOR OUR BBY COOKIE.
> 
> also I don't know how to link stuff on notes lol but my tumblr is sapphysue.tumblr.com so yeaaah
> 
> aND IM LIKE SO INSPIRED TO WRITE ROMANCE BC ALEX TURNERS LYRICISM IS BAEEE. I WILL MARRY HIS LYRICS LOL but romance isn't rlly my style. i'm more of a gore-tragedy kinda person but its not like i write that well so BYEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> YALL WRITERS OUT THERE BETTER WRITE OUR BBY COOKIE FANFICS ALRIGHTT???? im working on a few but i still havent gotten the hang of writing and when was the last time i wrote a fic?? srsly. like two months ago? one month? I DONT KNOW. haha. see ya bros.


End file.
